That's the reason you're here anyway, right?
I once read an article by Jada Pinkett Smith and she called Will’s oldest child her “Bonus-Son.” I love that. When I hear “bonus” I think of an additional and unexpected reward. The partnership between her and Trey’s mom, Sheree, is impeccable. According to Jada and Sheree in their recently aired Red Table Talk episode, it hasn’t always been easy and they haven’t always gotten along.
“A letter to a friend:
Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because... we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package...Period! If I didn’t want that...I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other.” –Jada Pinkett Smith
When I accepted my husband’s proposal I also vowed to love his children as my own and to care for them. I was 22 when we met and somewhat clueless as to what “LOVING THEM” meant. It is more that cooking for them, laughing with them, taking pictures, and hanging out. Relationships were rocky and my husband felt defeated in his fight for them and at points he would stop fighting. I thought preaching to him and badgering him would help him to want to rebuild. I wasn’t helping the situation at all. After about 4 years of being in his life, I learned to back off. I still would express my opinion but I had to learn when to leave it alone. One of my bonus babies is 5 ½ years old and I’ve been in her life for most of her life, so when things are rocky it affects me. How do I fix that? I learned to stop talking and start praying. I kind of feel like I tried too hard in the beginning. I mean, I was genuine but maybe I pushed too hard for a relationship or friendship with them.
They’re beautiful children and so full of personality and character. Honestly, children are usually stuck in middle of adults who can’t seem to get along or agree to co-parent effectively and they feel pulled in different directions. We fail to realize that our feelings and frustrations are irrelevant when it comes to our babies. I have always been open and willing to being THAT bonus mom.
Anyway, what have I learned from being a “Bonus Mom” in the last 6 years?