That's the reason you're here anyway, right?
I talked to the Lord after a frustrating morning and was just real with him. Lord, sometimes I don't wanna be positive. Sometimes I want to unapologetically go off. Sometimes my flesh rises up and I unleash the beast on purpose without even trying to filter what comes out of my mouth. Lord, I am working on it but sometimes....
When I was a growing up, I would ask Mama could I go out. First question was, "Did you clean up your room?" My answer was always no. So I would run to my room, and throw everything that made the room untidy into the closet or under the bed. It looked clean to me. 😂 Run back to mom and tell her it was done, She would peep in to see a room that appeared to be clean and approve my request to go out. This would go on a few times, until she got time to check my room thoroughly 😩😁. She would come into my room that appeared to be tidy, open the closet, pulling all kinds of clothes and junk out and from under the bed throwing all it in a pile on the floor. "You wouldn't have this mess, if you did it right the first time." She would say, while I was giving MAJOR eye rolls and side-eyes behind her back. 😂😂😂 Now my room looked worse than it did, when I had "cleaned" it. Now all of my "mess" is exposed for me to deal with openly, how dare mama expose me and make me take on the burden of cleaning this mess up all by myself? 😒 By the time I was done cleaning up the pile of mess, she helped me to organize and put things in their rightful places. I slept so much better at night and I felt free... weight and guilt free.
It is so easy to cover up our mess, hiding skeletons in the closet and dressing up sin to appear to be clean and holy until the Father comes pulling mess out tossing it to the middle of the floor before your eyes and everyone else's. We go through things that seems to be the enemy attacking us when it isn't. God is cleaning house. Sometimes when it seems like everyone can see your mess, downfall, or shortcomings, God is making you deal with these issues head-on, with no hiding places! It may be embarrassing and it may look like an impossible pile of mess to clean up, but you will feel so much better when it's over. You will feel free when you have no more mess to hide. You will be proud when you get to compare where you came from to where you are now.
Based on my experience, I would recommend you just go ahead and pray for a clean heart now and clean up for real, instead of just tucking your mess into a closet. Forgive those who are unforgiven in your life, turn from that habitual sin... whatever it is, fix it now. The exposure is real and it's uncomfortable. God loves you enough to correct and free you.
One day, you will look up and all those who you thought would witness your triumphant victory and celebrate with you will be watching quietly, while praying for your demise. Don't return the hatred. Pray for them. They expected you to remain in position of brokenness and hopelessness. You continue to prosper and do the will of the Father, not in the enemy's name but in the name of JESUS.
Don’t you worry about the people that God left in the previous seasons of your life. Press forward. You will miss them but you must move on. God has a plan for your life and they cannot go with you. Cry, feel what you need to feel; but MOVE FORWARD! Everyone can't go where God is taking you.
I can remember the very breaking point of my life that caused me to surrender to God's way and turn from my own. I was so broken, dysfunctional and confused. My whole life I had gone to church served in the youth associations as president and in choirs. Grew up and still served in so many different ministries but I was doing my own thing and other things had priority over God. Just as wrong and unholy as I could be. I served with a "form of godliness" with absolutely no relationship with him. My pastor has quoted Sunday after Sunday Matthew 7:21-23 "Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."
What is this saying? We can get so caught up in the work we contribute to the church but never try living right because we hold our SIN dear to our hearts. He said they will be called "workers of iniquity." It's time to turn from our wicked ways and let the work we do for the kingdom not be in vain.
I looked holy but I was drinking when I felt like it, cussing when I wanted to (which was a lot), fornicating, talking about "God is still working on me" with no intentions to change because that all felt good to me. I was not willing to deny my flesh of what seemed to be okay with me because "I was not perfect and all have sinned..." I realized that I claimed to love God but I was so willing to hurt him over and over and over and over again. That's not love. Because I love my husband there are some things I'm not willing to do, like cheating, lying, or abuse him. When you love someone you show that love through your actions. You won't be perfect but you strive to protect them from hurt. I love God high above my husband. Surely, I want to obey him and keep his commandments.
In February 2012, I was tired of facing the consequences of my sin, feeling empty, guilty, hypocritical, dealing with soul-ties wondering what kind of hold a man had on me that I accepted emotional pain and an "I'm sorry" every single time. I remember being in my room, broken and unemployed, falling to my knees in tears, pleading with God to change me; pleading with him to fix what was broken, to take the taste of sin from my mouth. I wrote a list of things I needed him to do for me. He began at that very moment to work on me. I fell sometimes after that but I got up and continued to move forward. I didn't feel like because I fell here and there that I needed to just go back to the way I was. I pressed toward the mark. That mark was holiness. HOLINESS not perfection. My relationship with God became my priority. I read his word and learned what makes him happy with me. He invested His Son's blood in me and I refused to live my life as a bad investment. He found me to be worth it and I will make him proud.
It's uncomfortable to talk about my past but I do believe that we overcome the enemy by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony! Rev. 12:11
"...having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." 2 Timothy 3:5-7