That's the reason you're here anyway, right?
My mama and step-dad thought they were slick trying to hook me up and marry me off back in March of 2012. There this guy was in my Mama's rear house acting like he had never heard of fish and grits before. 😂 We became Facebook friends anyway. He had a girlfriend and I had what I would call "a dude" (a step under boyfriend). Yes, it was "complicated." So this stranger guy in my mom's backyard and I moved on with our lives.
I had too many problems, insecurities, and baggage. I didn't need to create new ones by walking through doors that weren't even open. That would've been painful, right? I had been unemployed for at least 3 months by then, depressed, and confused. I felt like I was on a never ending cycle. I felt completely inadequate and I didn't understand why my situation wasn't changing, expecting God to bless a mess. Where was my breakthrough? Where was the man of my dreams? Why couldn't I find a job with my great work ethics?
At 22 years old, I learned the hard way that God corrects before he blesses. He stripped me of everything I thought I needed and then took certain desires from me. You ever heard the threat, "I'll slap the taste out of your mouth." Yep. It happened just like that. Before my very own eyes I WAS CHANGING. God was molding me into who I had prayed to become. A Godly, uncompromising vessel for him. A wife. A mother. When I surrendered, HE blessed me! In March before meeting Antonio. I wrote a list of things I had been praying for, including a man. I was specific in my prayers.
Antonio and I began communicating regularly towards the end of June 2012 as friends only. He fell in love (lol)... and so did I. I loved how open and honest he was. He laid everything on the table and gave me the opportunity to decide whether I was willing to accept his children (including his unborn on the way). I knew he was worth it. Not even knowing I had this list, he was HIM! Not the man of my dreams, but the man of my prayers. He accepted ME and everything that accepting me entails! Ultimately, my Mom and Step-dad's plan worked.
Often times, we pray to God making a bunch of requests, while being completely unwilling to change, make sacrifices, and/or serve HIM. We want him to work but we don't want to. We want our cake and HIS CAKE TOO! We want him to GIVE but our hands are closed. We want to live worldly while requesting heavenly blessings. Get the point? Okay.